In April this website celebrated seven years of being a thing. Alas, I didn’t buy it anything because I forgot. Even if I had remembered, what do you get the website that has everything? It’s a pickle of a problem.
Instead of getting it a gift, I’ve decided to celebrate the thing that it is by looking over the most popular posts that have featured here. I’ve left out the Home Page, as well as actual book product pages. I’ve also left out individual stories from The 52 (three of which would have made it, I think), because I’ll be looking at those tomorrow in another Story Idol post.
These are the posts that more people have read here than anything else. Usually, they’ve been shared further than my usual ramblings, but a few seem to regularly top results in certain Google searches. This does not necessarily speak to their quality. Yesterday somebody visited this very website after Googling ‘woman having orgasm with black dog’. Yeah, beats me.
All of these posts have been written while I’m in India, so even though none of them are ABOUT India this also counts as a sort of retrospective of the last four and a half years. You wanted one of those, didn’t you? You’re welcome.
Here we go then, in reverse order. Are you excited? You’re excited aren’t you? I’m excited. Let’s do this thing.
A post in which I apologise if it looks as though I think that women are rubbish. This squeezes in at the bottom of the top ten with a grand total of 77 views.
9 – Honesty Blows
A post in which I make the startling assertion that people don’t need to finish a book in order to work out whether they like it. I also suggest, to the horror of writers everywhere, that readers have minds of their own. This one has received 78 views. The bottom of the charts are a very close thing indeed.
8 – Anthocon 2012
Authors and artists are an egomaniacal bunch, and after attending any given convention will Google relentlessly until they find themselves acknowledged in somebody else’s convention report. This explains why my Anthocon 2012 report racked up almost 90 views as soon as it was posted, and has never been visited again.
Crikey, I only wrote this the other day. I was in a bad mood, and used the word ‘scrofulous’. Using the word scrofulous, you should note, immediately gains you 101 page views. Go forth and scrofulate.
A post in which I asked you to create a reading list for me, of books you love. I’m still working my way slowly through all the suggestions. I’ll finish that list some day. The opportunity to take control of my actual actions was much appreciated by the world at large, and 106 people visited this post.
Aha! A useful reminder of what this site is actually about! This was the official launch day for Craven Place last year, and so many people spread the word in so many places that I rather lost count. This post received 116 views.
Even more people turned up for the book launch of The Flesh Remembers a month ago, possibly because it took them a bit by surprise. 154 startled visitors pitched in to help me launch the summer trilogy (with the next book on the horizon, this is a heartening thing to look back on).
3 – That Atheism
An exasperated post prompted by the occasional emails I get from nutty right-wing christians frothing about my novel Thy Fearful Symmetry, which they assume I wrote while high on the despicable energies drawn from the last breaths of a thousand drowning kittens. Or something. Anyway, it’s funny, and channels Stewart Lee, and people like to read it. There’s a constant trickle of new visitors to this post, so I think it’s probably powered more by search engines than sharing. My blasphemies have so far drawn 155 views.
In which I accuse one of the most powerful creators at the BBC of stealing my ideas. Because that’s a clever thing for any writer to do. 238 people popped by to watch me kill any hopes of ever having a career as a TV genre script writer.
There have been so many gun tragedies in the US in recent years that I had to Google the date to work out which one prompted me to write this. It was the Sandy Hook elementary school massacre. This has had a staggering 623 views to date, but that worries me a little. My website also lets me know what keywords are being used to find my blog posts. The number of people Googling ‘sarin gas’ is terrifying.
So there you go. Seven years and 731 posts later, we’re still here. Thanks for sticking around. Let’s see if we can make it to a decade.