I need to reevaluate so very much of my lifestyle. Apart from quitting smoking, that evergreen work-in-progress, and getting more exercise, the over-consumption of caffeine is a continual concern. You might be might be tempted to label me a hypochondriac and move on, after a statement like that, but consider the story of Jasmine Willis, aged seventeen, who was rushed to hospital after drinking seven double espressos at work. Her symptoms included inexplicable bouts of laughter and tears, palpitations, breathing difficulties, and fever.
I read that story on BBC news, and my first thought was ‘lightweight’.
Then I started thinking about it. I drink a lot of coffee during the day, right through the evening. A lot. Most of it is from an enormous mug, half again the size of a regular one. I do not use a teaspoon to measure granules of coffee into said mug. I tip the jar, until a mound of of coffee that would daunt many hobbit hill walkers awaits the boiling water. And water is all. To add milk or sugar is to pervert the pure coffee experience.
On top of which, I have a hideous love for energy drinks, particularly Red Bull. When I buy a four pack, it’s rare for there to be any left the next day.
To lift a line from Frankie Boyle, all this adds up to me having the resting heartache of a serial killer in a hardware store during a closing down sale.
On the plus side, there are strong indicators that caffeine helps the body to actively defend against, and even destroy, cancer. In which case, I must be pretty much immune.