I’m going to do a segue in a minute. I’m really pleased with it. I think you’ll enjoy it enormously. Okay. Let’s go.
There’s a hedge at the bottom of our garden…
A segue is not a type of hedge.
This is my fault. I think I misjudged the crowd. Posting the picture of the labrador so early was probably a mistake. It distracted you.
Let me backtrack.
A segue is a smooth transition from one topic or section to the next, which is contrived to appear effortless and natural. That is what I will do in a moment.
Okay then. Ready? Segue coming up, after (and flowing effortlessly from) the bit about the hedge.
There is a hedge at the bottom of our garden. It was a big hedge when we moved in last year, and thanks to our spectacular disinterest in horticultural matters it is now an enormous hedge. My dog Sadie vanishes into it often. She emerges with treasures.
It started with balls. Small plastic hollow balls of various colours, enough to fill a small bucket probably*. Every couple of days a new ball. As large as the hedge is, there’s not that much space back there that we would not have noticed a bucket of colourful balls at some point.
She has progressed to weapons. A plastic sword, a military looking pistol. A couple of days ago, a flintlock pistol.
I have drawn the only logical conclusion. At the back of the hedge at the back of my garden there is a portal to other worlds. Sadie visits these worlds often, trotting through them with a quizzical expression and bringing home the things she finds. It is only a matter of time before she brings through something truly questionable. A wizard’s hat, charred at the edges. A tentacle. The still snapping decapitated head of a zombie. She will drop these things proudly at our feet, stepping back and looking up with that expression which means only one thing. Throw this for me human slave and I will chase it!
I could go back into that hedge and find out exactly what’s really there, but I’ve decided I don’t want to. I like the mystery of what she may emerge with. If I don’t go and see, then I can remain certain that she is having excellent adventures.
I have named the hedge Schrodinger’s Shrubbery.
I’m about to do the segue. I’m telling you this now in case you were so delighted by the idea of Schrondinger’s Shrubbery that you’ve forgotten one was coming. I wouldn’t want you to miss it. Ready?
Speaking of portals to other worlds…
THERE! THAT WAS IT RIGHT THERE! MY SEGUE!
Fricking awesome. I’ll do it again so you can sort of relax into it, then move on.
SPEAKING OF PORTALS TO OTHER WORLDS, my novella The Flesh Remembers is still available to download for free today and tomorrow from Amazon. Please do avail yourself of a copy, and let me know what you think when you’re done. It is a story unlikely to be accused of being great literature, but has several times been described as enormous fun. There are portals to other worlds in it, hence the segue. Tentacles too. You’ll like it.
If you happen to have friends – I have heard that some people do, though the evidence is sketchy – please let them know it’s there. Pass them the link, or drop them a line. That would be much appreciated.
I mean, I went to all the effort of doing a segue. That has to earn me something, right?
*I may be exaggerating for effect. It may have been two.